


Upgrade

by Flora (florahart)



Category: Live Free or Die Hard (2007)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-24
Updated: 2008-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-25 02:13:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1626113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/florahart/pseuds/Flora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short scene in which Matt tries to convince John to switch to Linux</p>
            </blockquote>





	Upgrade

**Author's Note:**

> Written for tosca

 

 

"Look, I don't know why you're being such a complete Luddite about this. Seriously, it's stable, it's easy, and I can teach you whatever you want to know. Open source, so you're not paying for corporate bullshit, you know, so it's like abandoning the Wal-Mart bakery in exchange for apple pies made straight from the heart of Great-Aunt Edwina, and--"

John glanced up from the paper. "Hey, Wal-Mart has its uses, if you want cheap crap. Like, this coffee, for instance." He held up his cup and drained it, then set it back on the table. 

"This is my point! This is exactly my point. It's crap, and it's all corporate, and there's no soul, and they give you all sorts of shit you don't need, and this is exactly like that!" Matt was leaning forward, rocking almost, elbows planted on his knees, hands spread palm-up before him. John went back to the sports page, which had never stopped Matt yet. Sure enough: "Plus, with open-source stuff, you have no worries about viruses unless someone decides to stomp all over open source, and no hacker worth his hardware shits where he eats."

"Yeah, I've noticed how your little friends are all giving with their time and skills. Specializing in giving pieces of civilization-destroying gobbledygook to madmen bent on chaos."

"That was a special case. Plus, none of us knew we were writing _that_ kind of code, plus it still wasn't really viral. It was specific."

"Difference being?"

"A virus is supposed to spread, like, you get it and it eats your files and sends itself to all your friends and eats their files and so on. The Fire Sale code was targeted. I mean, yeah, it spread, in a certain limited way, but, like, okay, a virus is contagious and spreads like crazy, right?"

"Sure. Whatever you say. Damn it!"

"What?"

"Fucking Giants running backs." John slapped at the paper with the back of his hand. 

"Oh." Matt frowned and seemed to be trying to figure out how to indicate he had no idea what sport had running backs, then shook his head. "Um. Sorry about your ...hockey?"

"Hockey's played on ice."

"Yeah, so?"

"So it wouldn't make sense to call them _running_ backs. Hockey has _skating_ backs."

"Oh, right. So, not hockey."

"No." John smirked. 

"'Kay. Where was I before you got mad at Giants?"

"Virus versus whatever the hell hackers do when they do or don't shit where they eat their Mountain Dew and Twinkies."

"You forgot Doritos," Matt said. "Get it right."

"Sorry. I'm still learning." John shrugged. "Just not about your special not-corporate open-whatsit."

"Open _source_. Look, you wouldn't even notice. It's super-customizable. I can make it look like Windows, make it look like Mac, whatever."

"So why are you telling me?"

"What?"

"If I won't even notice, why are you telling me? You think it's such a good idea, why don't you just install it? I don't care, long as I can still check my mail."

"Well, yeah, of course, I mean, sometimes initially there's some lag time for drivers to be available, and you might have to adjust some settings, and I can do all that for you, but, so, you don't care?"

"As long as I don't notice, I don't care." John folded up the sports page and thought about whether to look at the business section. Eh, probably not. Too depressing. He got up and went into the kitchen to heat up his coffee. 

"Well, you might--okay, I could either install it so you'd have both, but you'd notice that, because you'd have to pick a system at start-up, or I could just install it over the top of that piece of shit they sold you with the hardware."

"So, then I _might_ notice."

"Just a little. I mean, like I said. I could customize it, easy, but if I'm wiping out the existing OS, I'd have to back everything up and reinstall, and so it would take me a day, maybe. Maybe not. I mean, you want to count on some down time, then. So I have to tell you because either way, there's a part you might notice, and I like my balls where they are."

John came back to the table and glanced at the business section again, then shoved it aside and propped up his feet on the opposite chair as he opened the comics. "So do I. I have a question."

"Shoot. Not literally." Matt put up his hands in mock surrender.

John snorted. "Kid, have I shot you yet?"

"No, but there's always a first time with you gun-toting helicopter-killing own-shoulder-shooting types."

"Yeah, if there's a situation where expedience is required. Usually I like to take my time, though." He winked.

Matt swallowed. "Um, so what was your question?"

"Have you _ever_ seen me check my mail?"

"What?"

"My email. Have you ever seen me check it?"

Matt frowned. "I've been trying to get you to let me upgrade you for like three weeks. You have to have checked your email."

John shrugged. "Couple of times. Kids know to call and tell me if they send me anything, though, so mostly it's crap."

"Want me to set up better spam folders for you? Wait, what're you using?" Matt was increasingly flushed, and John grinned.

"...the computer?"

"No, I mean, what service. You have to be using one of the big services, right? Also a lot of corporate bullshit there, too, like, AOL, don't even get me started."

John pursed his lips and set down the comics. "You sure?"

"About AOL? Evil. Definitely. Wait, haven't we talked about this before?"

"No, about not getting you started."

"Um. What?" 

"Because if I remember correctly, and I think I do, it doesn't take much to get you started." John crossed his arms and waited for Matt's flushed excitement to turn into a real blush.

Which took about two seconds. "Not my fault. You had a _gun_ and I was _vulnerable_."

"I remember," John said. "So, want me to go strap it on now?"

"The... strap it on? The gun?" Matt blinked. "Okay, are you seriously hitting on me? Because I'm never sure, and maybe that other time was just, like, expedient. I mean, nobody hits on me, unless it's via avatar, and that's pretty obvious with the emoticons and stuff, but you only have like, three expressions, and wait, are you trying to distract me from the Linux issue? Because, I mean, we could do that now, with the, uh, gun thing, and then I could install your new system tomorrow, if you want."

"Do you ever shut up? Yes, I'm trying to distract you," John said. "It working?" He set his feet on the floor and leaned forward a little.

"Maybe." Matt muttered, looking at the floor. "Are you fucking with me?"

"If I do it alone, it's just jerking off, kid."

Matt swallowed. "So, you _are_ hitting on me."

John stood. "Could be. Gonna have to follow me in the other room to find out, though. I'm too old for rugburns." He walked past the couch to the hall and didn't look back.

Behind him, Matt muttered, "Too old, my ass. You probably _laugh_ at rugburns. Wait. John? McClane? Shit." He was at the bedroom door by the time John half-turned to close it.

"After this, you're going to have to finish telling me the rationale about how your friends eat off of free shit," John said. "And about how hacking the fucking government is better than wasting time writing code for a virus." 

"Not better, just different."

"Ah." John waited for the explanation forthcoming.

"Um, and not different enough to argue about. Semantics. Can we...?"

"I told you. I like to take my time." John pulled him inside and closed the bedroom door.

 


End file.
